Monday, March 24, 2008
inner child
This evening a bowl of cereal went soggy, for a plastic robot was discovered in a box of Cheerios.
Random Thoughts While Drifting Through the Stations
89.9 FM
Classical music reminds me too much of Bugs Bunny cartoons to actually be taken seriously. I enjoy it, but I can't help but picture Bugs with his feet on Elmer Fudd's head pretending to be the Barber of Seville.
94.1 FM
Casey Casem sounds the same when he's hosting the American Top 40 from 1967 as he does when he's hosting the American Top 40 from 2008. This is because he is a robot. An ageless, musical robot sent from the future; not to destroy us, but to save us all with the glory of pop music.
98.7 FM
"Toto" by Africa is the greatest song ever recorded by humans.
99.9FM
I will never understand country music. Some of it is ok, but the vast majority of it is un-listenable music. How did the stoic and iconic image of the American Cowboy, something so ingrained in the pop-culture fabric of society, get bastardized and mass produced and morphed into Kenny Chesney?
102.1 FM
I will never get a girl with apple bottom jeans. Or boots with the fur.
102.7FM
Static.
107.5FM
Dear American Idol,
For the love of God, stop.
Love,
Lars
88.5FM
Car Talk is the only good show on this whole God-foresaken station. National Public Radio is the audio equivalent to watching grass grow.
102.9FM
Christmas music should be socially acceptable to listen to all year long.
103.1FM
Static.
94.1FM
The song "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon is ridiculous. Carly, you're chastising this gentlemen, calling out all of his qualities that make him so vain. And then you say that you bet he thinks the song is about him. Well it is! The song is about him! So why shouldn't he think it's about him when it is, in fact, about him! James Taylor did the right thing when he dumped your ass.
107.5FM
Radio DJ's have the easiest job on the face of the planet, and a microphone in which to share their ridiculous thoughts, banter, and experiences to the world. I want their job.
Classical music reminds me too much of Bugs Bunny cartoons to actually be taken seriously. I enjoy it, but I can't help but picture Bugs with his feet on Elmer Fudd's head pretending to be the Barber of Seville.
94.1 FM
Casey Casem sounds the same when he's hosting the American Top 40 from 1967 as he does when he's hosting the American Top 40 from 2008. This is because he is a robot. An ageless, musical robot sent from the future; not to destroy us, but to save us all with the glory of pop music.
98.7 FM
"Toto" by Africa is the greatest song ever recorded by humans.
99.9FM
I will never understand country music. Some of it is ok, but the vast majority of it is un-listenable music. How did the stoic and iconic image of the American Cowboy, something so ingrained in the pop-culture fabric of society, get bastardized and mass produced and morphed into Kenny Chesney?
102.1 FM
I will never get a girl with apple bottom jeans. Or boots with the fur.
102.7FM
Static.
107.5FM
Dear American Idol,
For the love of God, stop.
Love,
Lars
88.5FM
Car Talk is the only good show on this whole God-foresaken station. National Public Radio is the audio equivalent to watching grass grow.
102.9FM
Christmas music should be socially acceptable to listen to all year long.
103.1FM
Static.
94.1FM
The song "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon is ridiculous. Carly, you're chastising this gentlemen, calling out all of his qualities that make him so vain. And then you say that you bet he thinks the song is about him. Well it is! The song is about him! So why shouldn't he think it's about him when it is, in fact, about him! James Taylor did the right thing when he dumped your ass.
107.5FM
Radio DJ's have the easiest job on the face of the planet, and a microphone in which to share their ridiculous thoughts, banter, and experiences to the world. I want their job.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Multiple Personalities: A National Concern
I feel that with I should take a moment today and discuss a problem that has swept the nation and has taken center stage in the pop culture of this country. This problem is multiple personalities, or, in the Latin, splitus mentalius.
This is not a new problem. Over the years, multiple personality disorder has reared its ugly head in all sorts of forms. From Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde to Cybil; from Michael Caine in Dressed to Kill to Woody Allen's character in Zelig. One can also make a corollary to the desire to obtain an alternate identity, exemplified by David Bowie (Ziggy Stardust), Clark Kent (Superman), and Emperor Palpatine (Darth Sidious).
Something is happening now, however, that has made this kind of behavior more mainstream. I'm talking, of course, about Miley Ray Cyrus and her alter-ego, Hannah Montana. Their "Best of Both Worlds" tour was the highest selling of the year and their albums are flying off the shelves. This Disney princess has made good, coming out from behind the mullety-shadow of her father, Billy Ray. Miley recently presented at the Oscars, and Hannah's show is going strong.
Here's the thing though...THEY'RE THE SAME FUCKING PERSON.
The Best of Both Worlds tour touts that both Hannah and Miley perform songs. It's a double-bill to die for (read "to die for" as "leap off something high instead of watch"). How is this possibly an amazing feat? Every time Hannah performs its actually Miley anyway! This Best of Both Worlds tour is just an excuse to milk more money from poor saps that can't get enough of cheesy, shitty music.
Dear teeny-bopper kids, your parents, and the Walt Disney Corporation,
Knock it the fuck off.
Love,
Lars
P.S.: I'm sure that Hillary Duff is kicking herself when she sees that all it takes is a wig change to double your profits for one show.
Ziggy Stardust didn't walk out on stage halfway through his show and say "Hey everyone, you all know I'm David fucking Bowie, who are we kidding. I'm just gonna take this shit off and I'll sing the rest of my normal songs."
Clark Kent didn't fly around Metropolis without first stopping in a telephone booth to change into his blue tights and red cape.
The Emperor didn't show his true colors until his plan had fully come to fruition.
Are Miley Ray Cyrus/Hannah Montana this generation's answer to Bowie and his Stardust? It'll break my achey-breaky-heart if that's the case.
This is not a new problem. Over the years, multiple personality disorder has reared its ugly head in all sorts of forms. From Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde to Cybil; from Michael Caine in Dressed to Kill to Woody Allen's character in Zelig. One can also make a corollary to the desire to obtain an alternate identity, exemplified by David Bowie (Ziggy Stardust), Clark Kent (Superman), and Emperor Palpatine (Darth Sidious).
Something is happening now, however, that has made this kind of behavior more mainstream. I'm talking, of course, about Miley Ray Cyrus and her alter-ego, Hannah Montana. Their "Best of Both Worlds" tour was the highest selling of the year and their albums are flying off the shelves. This Disney princess has made good, coming out from behind the mullety-shadow of her father, Billy Ray. Miley recently presented at the Oscars, and Hannah's show is going strong.
Here's the thing though...THEY'RE THE SAME FUCKING PERSON.
The Best of Both Worlds tour touts that both Hannah and Miley perform songs. It's a double-bill to die for (read "to die for" as "leap off something high instead of watch"). How is this possibly an amazing feat? Every time Hannah performs its actually Miley anyway! This Best of Both Worlds tour is just an excuse to milk more money from poor saps that can't get enough of cheesy, shitty music.
Dear teeny-bopper kids, your parents, and the Walt Disney Corporation,
Knock it the fuck off.
Love,
Lars
P.S.: I'm sure that Hillary Duff is kicking herself when she sees that all it takes is a wig change to double your profits for one show.
Ziggy Stardust didn't walk out on stage halfway through his show and say "Hey everyone, you all know I'm David fucking Bowie, who are we kidding. I'm just gonna take this shit off and I'll sing the rest of my normal songs."
Clark Kent didn't fly around Metropolis without first stopping in a telephone booth to change into his blue tights and red cape.
The Emperor didn't show his true colors until his plan had fully come to fruition.
Are Miley Ray Cyrus/Hannah Montana this generation's answer to Bowie and his Stardust? It'll break my achey-breaky-heart if that's the case.
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