Multiple Personalities: A National Concern

I feel that with I should take a moment today and discuss a problem that has swept the nation and has taken center stage in the pop culture of this country. This problem is multiple personalities, or, in the Latin, splitus mentalius.

This is not a new problem. Over the years, multiple personality disorder has reared its ugly head in all sorts of forms. From Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde to Cybil; from Michael Caine in Dressed to Kill to Woody Allen's character in Zelig. One can also make a corollary to the desire to obtain an alternate identity, exemplified by David Bowie (Ziggy Stardust), Clark Kent (Superman), and Emperor Palpatine (Darth Sidious).

Something is happening now, however, that has made this kind of behavior more mainstream. I'm talking, of course, about Miley Ray Cyrus and her alter-ego, Hannah Montana. Their "Best of Both Worlds" tour was the highest selling of the year and their albums are flying off the shelves. This Disney princess has made good, coming out from behind the mullety-shadow of her father, Billy Ray. Miley recently presented at the Oscars, and Hannah's show is going strong.

Here's the thing though...THEY'RE THE SAME FUCKING PERSON.

The Best of Both Worlds tour touts that both Hannah and Miley perform songs. It's a double-bill to die for (read "to die for" as "leap off something high instead of watch"). How is this possibly an amazing feat? Every time Hannah performs its actually Miley anyway! This Best of Both Worlds tour is just an excuse to milk more money from poor saps that can't get enough of cheesy, shitty music.

Dear teeny-bopper kids, your parents, and the Walt Disney Corporation,

Knock it the fuck off.

Love,
Lars

P.S.: I'm sure that Hillary Duff is kicking herself when she sees that all it takes is a wig change to double your profits for one show.


Ziggy Stardust didn't walk out on stage halfway through his show and say "Hey everyone, you all know I'm David fucking Bowie, who are we kidding. I'm just gonna take this shit off and I'll sing the rest of my normal songs."

Clark Kent didn't fly around Metropolis without first stopping in a telephone booth to change into his blue tights and red cape.

The Emperor didn't show his true colors until his plan had fully come to fruition.

Are Miley Ray Cyrus/Hannah Montana this generation's answer to Bowie and his Stardust? It'll break my achey-breaky-heart if that's the case.